Just Another "How To."

I know you came here for instructions. You want to know how to wash a horse or how to fix a flat tire or how to stop a feud between your two best friends  That's what you really want.  Not some lame diatribe from a scared girl behind a computer screen.  Because that's all I really am.  

I'm not wise.

I'm just sad.

Sad like the empty chorus of a couple hundred children, and by the way their voices sound you know they've all seen porn before.

So you want a "how to?"  I'll give you one.  How about this: How To Do Well In School. I could probably just B.S. my way through that one.  Or maybe I'll just go to bed early.  That sounds nice.  It sure beats going back and forth between Facebook and Ultimate Guitar, all the while trying to decide where I want my coffin buried.

I'm not suicidal.

I'm just profoundly messed up.

All I'm saying is that when you wake up and your mom still isn't home, you start to question your father's capabilities.  

"I don't think he's doing it right."

But that's just between you and me.

Alright, I'll give you a how to.  

This is what you've been waiting for, I'm sure.

The road to happiness, the final piece to the puzzle, and all those other cliches.

Here it is:

Thank you for your time.