Denver Isn't Going To Save Us.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"Charlotte, you're so beautiful."

I don't know why, but those words felt so empty in my head.  They rattled around like some loose change in a mason jar.  And then I started thinking about floral arrangements, and you started to sound a little bit like the teacher from those Peanuts comics.

What was that you just said?  Something about train tickets to Denver?  I don't know about Denver...  I used to live in Colorado and the people there like dogs more than humans.  That's weird.  I don't want to go to Denver.  I don't want to go somewhere that snows just as much as it does here.

And why are you inviting me to go?  You don't even know me.  We met three weeks ago.  What would you even say to me?  What would I say back?  Would you try to hold my hand?  Would you tell me I'm beautiful again?  If you do, would you say it like you did the first time, like it was so obvious?  Like it was the most ingenious thing you've ever said?  Would you take me to cafes in the mountains and let me get a dessert?  Would we wake up early in the morning and watch the sun rise?  Would I like that?

You don't even know me, yet.  You don't know that I prefer to sit in silence.  You don't know what I look like without make-up on.  You don't know that I get sad at 8:00 p.m.  You don't know that my palms sweat when I'm nervous and that I eat my food like a three year old.  You don't know that I stutter when I don't know what to say, and that I hate being around large groups of people.

You don't know what Peter did to me.

And in two minutes when you stop talking I'm going to tell you all of this.  I'm going to let you know.  And you'll smile politely and say, "some other time, then."  And you'll go back to what you were doing before, and I'll turn around and walk to my car.  And months will pass by, and you won't ever call.  And you won't ever tell me I'm beautiful again.  And you'll take a different girl to Denver.  

And I'll be happy for you.  

Or at least I'll make it look like that on the outside.